To My Children

I have had some things on my mind for the past few days that I just can't seem to shake; almost a nagging feeling.

Bear with me.

One of the most consistent things in our life is CHANGE. Good changes, not so good changes, changes we can control and changes we can't.

However, with every change, big or little, good or bad, we have a CHOICE. We can CHOOSE to faithfully follow our God that has a plan for us (for He knows the beginning AND the end), OR we can resist, dig in our heels, complain and question that God; question our faith.

Ultimately, we CHOOSE.

This popped out at me in my scripture study the other morning:

2 Nephi 10
17 For I will fulfill my promises which I have made unto the children of men..
20 let us remember him, and lay aside our sins, and not hang down our heads..
23 Therefore, cheer up your hearts and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves- to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.
24 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, reconcile to the will of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after we are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved.

I love this:

I found one of my favorite quotes shortly after our experience with Baby Honey.

LIFE IS NOT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS,
IT'S LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN

Even when we're living with faith and diligence, the rain is going to come. This is mortality. I like what my Dad, Grandpa Livingstone, says: We're not mortal beings having a spiritual experience, we're spiritual beings having a mortal experience.

We can trust that God knows the outcome of our trials and challenges. Often times, it's something even better. But, we won't get there if we don't trust Him.

There are incredible blessings in times of trial, and we must CHOOSE to find them.

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.

Count your blessings; Name them one by one.
Count your blessings; See what God hath done.

November 7, 2007 - Enter Honey Mary

I asked Ryan last night if he'd written down the time that Baby Honey was delivered. He said he didn't think so. I asked if I could check his journal - I knew I hadn't written it down, nor could I remember. With his permission, the following is from his journal:

November 7, 2007

Well, my little one, you were delivered to us at 1:32pm today. It has helped immensely to have you here. After all the pain I have expressed, I would be remiss to not express my relief and gratitude.

We have been strengthened beyond belief. We have been blessed by great peace. When you were delivered, the nurse had to untangle you from the cord that wrapped around your leg, across your chest and around your neck three times. You poor little thing.

It was a great comfort to Mom and I to hold you, cradle you and love you. We will always love you, but it was a comfort to hold your fragile little body and rock you gently.

You have beautiful little fingernails and tiny little toenails. Your limbs and body are perfect. Your sweet face still holds a little resemblance of the glow you would have had.
Please don't think less of us because of our relief. We love you and find great comfort that you are well now.

We will call you Honey Mary; our sweet little one.

Halloween 2011

I don't think I've disliked Halloween so much as I did this year.
I was not feelin it.
I'm so grateful it's over.

The kids had a great time at the trunk-or-treat, their class parties and trick-or-treating.
I took them out last night too (as opposed to Ryan) for the first time in years.
I was festive too.
I wore my wedding dress. And veil.
I'm happy that after 7 babies, I can zip it up.
And for the record, I didn't have to wear a coat.
For the first time IN MY LIFE on Halloween.
I remember walking thru a blizzard once as a kid.
We didn't get much candy that year.

Olivia ran down every driveway saying "Did you hear me say Thank You, Mom?"
Lucy was walking slower and slower withering away from thirst.
(I became one of those moms. Buck up. Get your candy.)
Kaycee was always first up to the door and ringing the door bell.
Clay is too cool for school sometimes and this was no exception, but I appreciated his gratitude.
Rylee was so helpful making sure Olivia made it to the door.

It was a good night.

(A mermaid, (hunter changed) robber, (Dorothy changed) unicorn, Cleopatra, Alice, and King Henry)

So here's to you, Halloween 2011.
May your candy disappear quickly so I don't scream picking up wrappers.
And may Henry's sticky fingers not ruin the new white quilt.
(for a room, I'm so excited to show you! when it's done.)

October 24, 2002 - Enter Clay

You know, it's a good thing I'm recording these birth stories now because I feel like my memory is going. I hope it comes back some day. But really, if you know my family history, it's not...

I remember coming back from the temple to my parents house to pick up Rylee and we told my mom #2 was on it's way. I had taken the Fall semester off after Rylee was born and so when Winter semester started I was ready to finish my last semester and graduate.

I had a feeling Clay just may be a boy as I didn't have the slightest morning sickness or nausea. Holy cow what a difference than with Rylee - and an incredible blessing so I could finish up and graduate. My stomach grew faster (not unusual the second time around) and I carried lower. We were thrilled to find out he was a boy, due October 30/31st.

On Ryan's birthday (a Tuesday, the 22nd), I had the nurse practitioner strip my membranes. That evening when we had family over to celebrate Ryan's birthday. My sisters asked how the procedure went and I said it was fine. I didn't hurt. They looked at me and informed me that if it didn't hurt (and I wasn't contracting), the NP hadn't done it right. They told me to go back to Dr. Baird and have him do it.

I called the next day and had Dr. Baird try. Yeah, it hurt. Nothing like a teeny tiny reminder of what's coming up. Ryan and I walked around to get the contractions going. We prepared Rylee to stay with my parents for the night.

One of the reasons we started seeing Dr. Baird was because my sister delivered with him and he was awesome. When Marcie was pregnant, she was having contractions, but when arrived at the hospital, they stopped. Dr. Baird admitted her, gave her the epidural and started the pitocin. He hung out with Marcie and Brackon the whole night. They had a great time. Sounds like a fun delivery to me.

So, around 10 I felt like my contractions were consistent and we went to the hospital. Why not go for a completely pain-free labor? Well, my doctor had me walk around because I wasn't dilating. AFter an hour, because of no change, I was sent home.

I talked to my mom and she told us to keep Rylee with her, just in case something happened. Discouraged and grumpy I cried getting into bed. It was just a matter of minutes, the contractions changed. The only word I've been able to describe this change was as bone-crushing. I thought my hips were caving in. Holy cow. I waited to see if more contractions were coming. They were coming alright and I told Ryan we had to go back. I walked back in the hospital and sure enough I was dilating. Because it was close to midnight now, the anesthesiologist had just gone home - to Alpine. They said he could be back in about an hour. No way. I needed him now. I wasn't going to have back labor again without anything! They gave me some drug (Staldin?) and although it offered some relief during the contractions I thought I was having an allergic reaction. The pattern on the wallpaper was swaying back and forth and I couldn't focus in on anything. I alerted Ryan and he informed me it wasn't a reaction, but the affects of the drugs. Yuck.

The man of the hour - the anesthesiologist, arrived. Glory be. I could sleep and got some rest. I don't remember when Dr. Baird came in (he did NOT stay and hang out with us..) and broke my water, but by 7:35 the pressure was incredible (I actually thought my epidural was wearing off, I was pushing that button like crazy!). I wondered if Clay was going to be born at the same time as his sister, 7:47.

He was ready to come and at 7:43 all 7 lbs 15 oz of Clay came out. He didn't look too big, but a full 2+ lbs bigger than Rylee. He was completely covered in white. They wiped him off and he was just as cute as could be. He nursed like a champ and gained weight like a pro. (By his 2 week appointment he was 9 lbs. and by 6 mos he was 19.5 lbs. He was our little brick - and my shoulders haven't been so defined since.)

He was such a mellow baby letting his sister continue getting all the attention she demanded. (But, what 16 month old doesn't.) They became the best of friends.

Clay, the past 9 years have seemed to fly by.
I remember holding you when you were just a few weeks old and sobbing that you'd have to leave on a mission.
In 19 years.
You're a great kid and well liked by so many.
You continue to make us laugh and at the same time want to pull our hair out, but here's no one like you.
We love you.
We are so happy you're part of our family.
Happy Birthday!