Today

Our Easter Sunday was a nice day. I was a lot more emotional that day hearing talks in church about death, mortality and the miracle of the Savior's resurrection. I attribute the emotions mostly to throwing up since 4 in the morning, feeling weak and having to participate in two musical numbers, but I hadn't realized that baby Honey would have been born so close to Easter. It was a pleasant reminder of our Heavenly Father's Plan.

This morning KC came into our bed about 10 mins before Ryan's alarm was going to go off at 6am. As I rolled over to make more room for our guest, I was surprised that my mind immediately remembered the date. Today is my due date. It's not like I had forgotten, I knew it was coming up, but I think I was hoping that I would just float through they day, maybe remembering later on. Just moments later, the flood gates opened and so many feelings and emotions that had settled came rising to the surface again. I was certainly not expecting this reaction, and found that although time was healing our hearts, it wasn't hard to be sad all over again.

A few weeks ago in Sunday School, our teacher was asking us about faith building experiences. She began giving us some examples and mentioned to mothers when they hold a new baby in their arms, if they see gimpses of eternity and other great experiences. My eyes immediately welled up and I thought to myself, it was when I was holding a baby that I couldn't have right now that allowed me to see a glimpse into eternity.

I love that we have a Heavenly Father that has a great plan for us. That although we may not understand everything now or how things are going to work out, we know that in the end, everything will be worked out. I love that my kids still speak of baby Honey and how much they miss her. I love how this experience has changed our perspective. I love the picture that hangs over our bed of a little girl securely embraced in the Savior's arms. I love His compassion. I love that I'm okay with letting my emotions go when I think of our sweet, little baby. I love our baby, Honey and I hope we can see her soon.

Warm Hearts, Warm Babies

Last night, I attended an enrichment of another ward, a "baby shower." They had opened it up to the Stake and I was thrilled to be there. There were about 30 sisters there to learn about a non-profit organization here in Colorado called Warm Hearts, Warm Babies. This is a wonderful organization where they "provide clothing, blankets, and essential items to premature and newborn infants, and young children, in crisis, free of charge." They also provide little burial outfits for those little babies that don't make it. This organization is amazing! It first started out as a mother who had a baby very prematurely, that ending up passing away. They brought her her baby just on a silver tray. She was devastated at this presentation and vowed to not let this happen to anyone else. Can you image?!

As you can probably tell, this particular part of the organization touches my heart. Providing little burial outfits for these tiny (or not so tiny) babies, when the family perhaps has nothing. When we had baby Honey, she was so tiny, about the length of my hand, and although she was so tiny, her body was so perfect. It wasn't until a nurse came in with a little, pink crocheted blanket (just smaller than a wash cloth) with a little hood that tied with pink ribbon, that we knew what to bury Honey in. It was perfect! A week or so later, I found out that this ward (the one that put on the shower last night) were providing these little blankets/hoodies to hospitals in the area. I was so grateful!

It is so sad that there are so many needy babies here in Colorado and throughout the nation. But thankfully, Warm Hearts, Warm Babies with their hundreds of volunteers are there to support these families in need. What a wonderful organization! Last night, we had two long tables piled high and deep with baby accessories. What a wonderful way to help! It was so touching and truly an enriching activity.

http://www.warmheartswarmbabies.org/

With Thankful Hearts

Thanksgiving has past now, but I wanted to share what we, our little family, is especially grateful for this year: the Plan of Happiness. This has become more real to us than ever with the loss of our baby, Honey. The day we found out she had died, for FHE we decided to talk about the Plan of Salvation with our kids and talk about what was happening. Ryan did a fabulous job describing it with our Candy Land board game. We all lived together with Heavenly Father before we came to earth. We chose to come here. Then starting on our journey here in mortality, we receive great blessings that help us move forward faster. But we can also feel like we're stuck in the mud, like we're stationary or sometimes even feel like we're moving backwards. Our hearts can hurt, and we face life with sadness and sorrow. Ultimately though, our goal is to live faithfully and return as a family back to Heavenly Father.

The kids seemed to grasp what we were saying, and it was nice to be reminded of why we are here. That we knew there would be tough times and rough patches. We are so grateful for the temple, for the promise of eternal families. The night we went into the hospital, Ryan and I were able to go the temple. What a comfort! To be reminded that as we try our best here on earth, we can be with our families together forever. That not being able to have our little baby right now, we can look forward to being with her and enjoy her on the other side.

There is no way we could have done this alone. It is such an amazing experience to feel (and I mean really FEEL) all of the love, support, fasting and prayers that have been said on our behalf. And thank you to all who are still offering this support, who have called us up to see how we're doing, to see how we're managing and offer love and support. Our lives have changed and our hearts are still tender and we appreciate (tremendously!) the thoughtfulness. Our ward has been and still is so supportive and loving. What a great Plan! To not only have families, but ward families. So it is with thankful hearts that we share our love and gratitude for you, not only during this holiday season, but for always.